We're Home
by SawyersGirl4Ever
Summary: Kate explains her feelings to Sawyer. SPOILER WARNING Contains information from promos that have aired over the hiatus. Don’t read if you don’t want to be spoiled before Lost returns on February 7th.


**We're Home**

**Title: We're Home**

**By: SawyersGirl4Ever**

**Rated: T **

**Summary: Kate explains her feelings to Sawyer**

**Status: Complete**

**Author's Note: SPOILER WARNING - Contains information from promos that have aired over the hiatus. Don't read if you don't want to be spoiled before Lost returns on February 7th. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lost or any of the characters. If I did, I'd be Kate and own Sawyer. **

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Kate sat up and stared ahead. "Look, Sawyer," she said enthusiastically.

"I _am_ lookin', Freckles," he replied, as he stared up at her from his prone position on the bottom of the canoe.

She turned to him and smiled, blushing. "Not at me, silly, at our island. After all we've been through lately, I've never seen anything so beautiful."

"Me neither." His dimples flashed as he continued to stare at her.

Kate just shook her head and held out her hand. He grabbed it, but instead of pulling himself up, he pulled her back down on top of him.

Kate giggled. "Sawyer, come on, we're almost home."

He held her close and kissed the top of her head. "Right. Home," he said somberly. He remembered using that word when he and Michael were sitting on a piece of the blown up raft as it drifted closer to the tailies side of the island. He'd never had a real home since before his parents died.

"Kate…" Sawyer began. She looked up at his face, bearing a serious scowl. He never called her Kate unless he was serious. "Are you mad at me?" he asked.

Confused, Kate replied, "Why would I be mad at you?"

He'd been thinking of bringing this up since they'd gotten into the canoe. After they were out of gunshot range of the Other's island and could finally relax, he thought about it. Even while they were making love on the floor of the canoe as they drifted across the middle of the ocean, it crossed his mind. "Because I made you leave without Jack." Kate looked away sadly. "Yeah, I knew it," Sawyer said slowly, gently pushing her off him and sitting up. He pulled what was left of the shirt he'd been wearing for the past week back on.

Kate positioned herself on the seat in front of him. She reached over and touched his hand, then stared up into his eyes for what, to Sawyer, seemed like the longest time, but was actually only a few seconds. Sawyer couldn't stand the silence and the sad look in her eyes. "We'll get Sayid and Locke, and maybe Jin and Charlie, and we'll go back…" he started, but was interrupted when she leaned over and kissed him. "What was that for?" he asked.

"To shut you up," Kate said, smiling. Sawyer looked down at his feet.

Kate continued. "Look, yes, I wish we could have gotten Jack out of there. But Juliet promised she'll protect him. And she did kill Pickett before he could shoot you. She betrayed her own people to help us, Sawyer. So I believe her. I believe Jack will be safe. I have to believe it."

"But you wish he was here, instead of me. You feel guilty about what we did, and you wish you were with him, not me."

"Sawyer," Kate scolded, "Don't do this. You think you know how I feel? Well it's obvious you don't or you wouldn't say that." Sawyer looked ashamed. He'd always prided himself on being able to read people, especially Kate. Kate sighed. "Ok, yes, I do feel guilty. I feel guilty that we had to leave Jack. He saved your life! He saved _our_ lives. And now he's over there with those people. You know what they're capable of. We don't know what they're going to do to him, or if we'll ever see him again. He's still there because of us. So yes, I feel guilty. But I don't feel guilty about _us_. Sawyer, I slept with you because I wanted to sleep with _you_, not Jack. Jack is not a part of _our_ relationship. But I am sad, for Jack. In the time we've been here, he's become our friend, Sawyer. You have to admit it, you care about him too."

She paused. Sawyer just stared out at their island, thinking maybe she cared about him a little too much. Kate shook her head. "You know, I can't believe you still don't see it."

"See what?" he asked.

She stared into his eyes with that hungry soulful stare that the two of them shared so often. She wanted to say it, those three words that she longed to say and she knew he longed to hear, but she was scared. It wasn't that she didn't feel it. She had finally come to terms with the fact that she couldn't deny it any longer. But sometimes words are empty, as she had said them in the past without meaning them. She didn't want to say them now, and take the chance that he would think she didn't mean it. Again. Since she took back her declaration of love after Pickett was beating him that day, she wanted the next time she said it to be perfect. And she would mean it, and he would know without a doubt that she did.

"Sawyer, I…," she hesitated, but she knew she had to say this. "I care about Jack. I do. From the day we crashed and I met him, I wanted him. He's a doctor, and you said it yourself, ladies dig the doctors. I wanted to feel something for him, and for him to want me."

Sawyer looked away from her eyes. Why was she telling him this? He couldn't bear to hear it. He had wanted to believe that she could actually care about him more than Jack. But why would she? What did he have that Jack didn't? In his eyes, and he assumed in hers as well, Jack had it all. But she continued. "Sawyer, you and I are the same. That's why I tried to fight it. I have tried to get away from people like myself all my life. So I tried to stay away from you too, but I couldn't. You're like a magnet." She laughed. "No matter how many times you tried to push me away, I kept being drawn back to you. You know… I always wanted to believe the saying "opposites attract". That's why I wanted to love the "good guys", the ones who were perfect. I thought that would make up for me being so screwed up. My first love, a man who died because of me, was a doctor. I even married a cop. Imagine that! I figured if I was on the "inside", he wouldn't find out who I was. I had the perfect life and I ran away from it. The marshal who I was on the plane with, remember him?" Sawyer nodded. "When I was married, he said he'd stop chasing me if I stopped running. Settle down with my good husband and nice house with the white picket fence, and I would be free he said. But I couldn't do it. I felt like I wasn't good enough for him. Somehow, he would have discovered who I was and what I'd done. So I ran. It's the same with Jack. I don't feel anything more than friendship for him. And I'm sure that's all he feels for me. We're not a good match. I'll never be good enough for him. He will never understand me. He would never forgive me for what I've done."

"Don't matter to me what you done," Sawyer mumbled under his breath, but it was loud enough that Kate heard it. She smiled.

"I know," she said. He finally looked up at her. "I've always known. It just took you almost dying, twice, for me to realize it. When Pickett had the gun to your head and I screamed that I would do anything he wanted if he wouldn't shoot you, I meant it." Her voice cracked. "I don't want to lose you, Sawyer." She reached for his arm.

There was a long silence. Sawyer kept his eyes on hers. He wanted to believe her. And he knew she was worth taking a chance on. Finally he spoke. "You ain't gonna lose me, Freckles. You've always been good enough for me, just the way you are. And…" he cleared his throat, and spoke softer, "I don't wanna lose you either, Freckles."

Kate carefully climbed over her seat to sit beside him and leaned her head on his shoulder. Sawyer put his arm around her and held her close. She knew he needed to hear the words. He was like an insecure child, and he needed the reassurance. She turned her head to him and looked into his warm eyes. She knew she was ready. "I love you, James."

He lost himself in her eyes and he replayed those words in his head as he leaned down to kiss her lips passionately. After a few seconds, he broke the kiss and whispered, "And I love you, Kate."

She smiled and relaxed against him. He smiled and wrapped her in his arms and held her tightly. "We're home," he said as the canoe touched the sand of their beach. He never thought that he would consider this mysterious island "home". But it didn't matter where he was, as long as Kate was beside him, he was home.

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**Not the best, but I think Sawyer and Kate belong together, and wanted Sawyer to know for sure that Kate loves him. So this was my idea. Please review!**


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